Peeling Away the Layers
Trees Shedding Their Bark

Like a tree our growth depends upon our ability to soften, loosen, and shed boundaries and defenses we no longer need.

Trees grow up through their branches and down through their roots into the earth. They also grow wider with each passing year. As they do, they shed the bark that served to protect them but now is no longer big enough to contain them. In the same way, we create boundaries and develop defenses to protect ourselves and then, at a certain point, we outgrow them. If we don’t allow ourselves to shed our protective layer, we can’t expand to our full potential.
Trees need their protective bark to enable the delicate process of growth and renewal to unfold without threat. Likewise, we need our boundaries and defenses so that the more vulnerable parts of ourselves can safely heal and unfold. But our growth also depends upon our ability to soften, loosen, and shed boundaries and defenses we no longer need. It is often the case in life that structures we put in place to help us grow eventually become constricting.
Unlike a tree, we must consciously decide when it’s time to shed our bark and expand our boundaries, so we can move into our next ring of growth. Many spiritual teachers have suggested that our egos don’t disappear so much as they become large enough to hold more than just our small sense of self—the boundary of self widens to contain people and beings other than just “me.” Each time we shed a layer of defensiveness or ease up on a boundary that we no longer need, we metaphorically become bigger people. With this in mind, it is important that we take time to question our boundaries and defenses. While it is essential to set and honor the protective barriers we have put in place, it is equally important that we soften and release them when the time comes. In doing so, we create the space for our next phase of growth.

My first “directed” assignment is Uruzgan province, Afghanistan.  In a few days I will be packing my ONE backpack (yes you read correctly, one as in the number one – simplicity and pairing down this year!).  I am now ready to deploy to Afghanistan for a year, and it occurred to me that I have been remiss in telling the beginning of what is sure to be an interesting story. So reflection on the last couple of months’ preparation seems in order.

The learning begins.

Inventory of experience. I first have to take stock of what I know and what I don’t know. Filter through the brainwaves of 15 years working in Latin America to see what might be relevant and forget the rest. Possible relevant learning to keep: People are people and everyone is different from the other, even in the same country. Don’t assume anything. Ask questions. Take the time to talk – relationship building is alive and well. Don’t mess with family. Honor and Face and Kinship embody everything. Drink and eat whatever you are offered. Say thank you. Stay alert, active observation and active listening are the second keys to success. Indirect communication is also alive and well. That’s about all I think I’m going in with, the rest I will scrap and then learn as I go. I am told I should also be aware that in Afghanistan, it’s not WYSIWYG and that The Godfather is a nice analogy for early learners of Afghan culture, so I will filter out a few strands of wisdom from there as well, like “Leave the gun, take the cannoli (or naan, as it were)”… know when to “go to the mattresses”.

Research. I have started reading and watching movies, too. Afghan Star (2008) is a more recent movie, and very good (New York Times wrote “Afghan Star,” Havana Marking’s engrossing documentary, suspense surrounds a talent competition that becomes a national obsession, lending a steady narrative drive to this portrait of an “American-style television show in Afghanistan. The excitement is more than a matter of who will win. The movie uses the talent show “Afghan Star” as a prism through which to examine the fragmented tribal culture of Afghanistan as reflected in the backgrounds of four finalists (two of them women) and the public responses to their performances.). On my list of movies to watch, are several others, including Osama, Behind the Taliban Lines, Motherland Afghanistan, the Kite Runner, and a few others. I bought a Kindle and have it ready loaded with about 5 of the top recommended books to read. Commuting around DC has already given me ample time to read the hard backs that I checked out. I have been seeking books that are not only informative but also fun and not completely morbidly depressing, which is not easy to meet criteria in this case. But amongst them, are a few good ones, including Michener’s Caravans, an older book, but written about a State Department employee working in Kabul who gets to travel around the country and learn more of the culture. I am starting up The Places In Between by Rory Stewart. And I have started studying Pashto on Rosetta Stone, although I admit to pure laziness on that front. I think the real life need for it will drive me to better habits soon enough.

Training. For the first time in forever I am actually being purposefully prepared, as in trained, for a job (well, ok, not counting those 25 years plus of formal education). Pretty psyched though. I don’t get formally trained in Pashto, because we’ll have translators, but I do get trained on Afghan culture, how to strengthen local government, other work projects, and also how to work with, be protected by, and imbedded with, the military (Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy, as well as other countries’ civ-mil teams). Immersion into two cultures at once is a thrill for the little anthropologist inside.

Pre-deployment training is seven weeks since I will be working in the field rather than in Kabul. By far the most exciting parts of the training were the last two weeks, which is the “application” stage of the adult learning cycle. The prior weeks were more information delivery (otherwise known as Death by PowerPoint). But we did, at long last, finally get to test our knowledge in hands-on training during the last two weeks, one of which was at a Camp Muscatatuck, the National Guard’s Training Center in middle of nowhere Indiana, followed by time in West Virginia at Bill Scott Raceway.

Indiana was fascinating. It’s been too long since I got to experience so many “firsts” in such a short period of time.

We got to experience an MRAP roll over, in a training environment, which I can assure you will not be a fun experience if it happens in real life. The space is tiny, the vehicle is a larger heftier more serious version of an armored Humvee thingamadoodle, it will probably be 120 degrees in the shade when it happens, and the inside will be filled with a gunner (the person in the middle sticking out of the top), as well as ammo and other equipment that, that, should it not be tied down properly, will just as easily knock out a few teeth or give you a mild concussion as the actual rollover. Not to mention your general lack of mobility when you are wearing 40 lbs. of armor and tied to the rolling vehicle in a four point harness, and must climb out “speedily” through perhaps only one opening in the vehicle, upside down or sideways, with four or more other people, over equipment, in a possible flaming vehicle. The military’s favorite phrase, “Move with a Purpose”, takes on a whole new meaning once you get a chance to try this. I now know that that if I take a roll or two in one of things, I can haul my heavy ass out of there if a) we just happen to not be carrying any ammo or equipment and the middle area is clean and cleared (3% likelihood); b) if I am in the vehicle with at least two burly dudes who can coordinate unbuckling me upside down, catch me before I break my neck or crack my helmet, and pull me to safety (97% likelihood); and c) if these two burly dudes are good Southern boys nice gallant and chivalrous enough to both look back as well as turn around to help me when the vehicle is on flames, as it is likely to be (a less than 1% likelihood). If all of these criteria are met, I will indeed survive.

So, my next “first” was wearing combat gear for much of the day all week. This is sort of like wearing a strait jacket (with holes for the arms), with giant pockets filled with enormous slabs of rock, that you strap on top of all your clothing, it goes around your stomach and Velcro tightly around your waist, then back around again, and on three different incoming straps is held tightly in place. Add a helmet to that, and while you look like a serious Bad Ass, you only look like that as long as you don’t try to move. At all. If you walk, you can fall down because your chin hits the top part of the plate and you can’t quite see your toes and do convenient life tasks, like tie your shoes, go to the bathroom, or put a seatbelt on. If you are getting in and out of a vehicle, be thankful for your helmet because it will protect your head from yourself. If your helmet is unfortunately too large for your head, as mine was this week, you must also learn to be in a perpetual state of the “trust walk” and the “trust fall” because half the time it’s fallen over your eyes and you won’t be able to see. But, despite such challenges, I persevered and overcame, and I am proud to say, won praise from our hard-to-please DEA, RSO, SECFOR, and Commander for the enthusiasm with which I would run and throw myself into the vehicle when under fire, as we were taught. Again, the number one rule being “move with a purpose”. My time improved from around five minutes to stumble toward the vehicle, using both arms as brace and hauling mechanism, pull a leg in and pull myself into the high seat, bumping my head at least four times in the process, and call for help to get buckled because I couldn’t reach the bottom buckle or the top – yes, it was a sad site and one I’m sure provided at least a few chuckles in the barracks next door – but by Day 6 I was a Pro. Move with a Purpose indeed! Most Successful Instruction-Following-Fast-Moving Civilian around. With the code word out, or the shouts of a “Move out”, I could, cat-like, reach for my armor with one hand, throw it over my head in one fluid motion, snap my helmet on after, as I ran do the four part now you see it now you don’t magic Velcro trick, sprint for the trucks under guard, and fling myself head first in, do the tuck and roll as I did, landing in the far seat and allowing others to barrel in after me. Mighty proud. I was overly enthusiastic one day and did what I now dub as the Upside Down Turtle. Which is what happens when you tuck and roll but aim to low and end with your butt jammed in the floorboards and your hands and feet stuck in the air, immobilized until we arrive at the next port of call and a couple of cute burly guys help you out. But that was ok, because when you’re under fire, your only job is to “Get off the X”. I am a proficient Off the X kind of girl. Nothing like some good TIC, taking some rounds, planning for hot zone, avoiding contact, and having meeting and convoy in kinetic areas to teach those lessons! I am loving the military lingo: TIC – Troops in Contact and other ways to say people are trying to blow you up.

We also had to learn the ranks, insignia and chain of command for the people we will be working with. It’s a crazy organizational alphabet soup, between Navy and Air Force officers in charge of enlisted Army and Marines, with Civil Affairs (S-9s) with them, working on civ-mil joint purposes, with USAID, Dept. of State and USDA, and then throw in those random enforcement people (DEA, RSO) and Dept. of Commerce and Dept. of Justice, it’s a weird place where figuring out who your boss is might take you a good six months. As they say our first order of business, both on our side as well as the local Afghan side, is “to know who’s who in the zoo”. I have to say that I have been mightily impressed with what I’ve seen so far, from the Afghans who were training us, as well as our military mentors who have been out there and have returned. Smart, interesting, savvy people, not your run of the mill individuals. And I have NEVER seen a more organized body of people than the Army. They give a whole new meaning to planning and management and organization. Thousands of people, supplies, logistics, and information, all managed and efficiently sorted through. It’s impressive. The rest of the government, and for that matter, private sector, could take a few tips. Everything is all about “Task and Purpose”, and meetings are fast and to the point, each section reporting out on “Task, Purpose, Outcome”. If you say one sentence too many, the commander will say, “Got it”, which means shut up, I understand, next point. It’s the epitome of direct communication, which of course I love. After living for so many years in Latin America being around soooo many quintessential Americans with Directness multiplied by Ten and Squared, was awesome. Going along with that, and knowing Who’s Who in the Zoo, is also knowing what you need to do, your own task and purpose, and what other people’s are, and staying focused on your own stuff. Stay in Your Lane is big with the military, and any collaborative, joint operations, overall. We are constantly reminded what our “lane” is, and sticking to what we’re good at and leaving other people to do their job (as in our Security Forces job is to keep us safe). And of course, I can’t go a day now without saying COPY or ROGER THAT anymore. There were also some funny ones. This one guy would also say “it was bad like a soup sandwich” and after convoys it was “time to downgrade” (get out of your gear), and pep talks were given on how not to act, ending with “Don’t be that guy”.

I like learning new foreign languages and this is a whole new one to me. Let’s just hope I don’t forget English.

The week in Indiana was intense and resembled real life. We lived on a FOB (forward operating base), in barracks, separate showers/bathrooms from the rooms, DFAC (dining facility), just a few civilians with a larger number of military, and we were busy all day from about 6:30 a.m. until around 10:30 p.m. with a very few and grudgingly-given potty breaks. Our team got scolded by our Colonel for not being able to hold it long enough, so a couple of us gals may invest in one of those FUDs (Female Urinary Device), or more aptly named “magic cone” for the real deal, since this was just training and hard enough! Our schedule was pretty much wake up, eat, meet with convoy leaders to go over route and safety, load up, roll out, get bombed, get to the Afghan village/provincial government building/market, etc. for meetings, hold meetings Afghan style for a few hours, on different vignettes, rotating who would lead, be back up and be observers, finish, get feedback from Afghans, then from our mentors, get shot at, have to evacuate quickly, roll out, convoy home, report day and kinetic activity, to the various chain of commands, hold CUBs (Command Update Briefs) between PRTs and DSTs to catch up, and plan for the next day’s series of 2 to 3 meetings, with a variety of working lunches and working dinners in between. I thrive on a schedule like that, so I loved it. But by 10 p.m. I was wiped and definitely ready for bed. Since Afghanistan will be a six day work week, on the Muslim calendar, with only Friday off, I better get used to the “battle rhythm”, because that’s pretty much how it’s going to be.

I got home after that week and slept like the dead until noon the next day I think.

And then started back up again, this time on the popularly named “Crash and Bang” course. Everyone’s favorite apparently.

The first part was training on what to do if we get kidnapped (fun fun) and then we got good skills on basic battle-field-immediate-life-saving medical action techniques. We were taught “MARCH”, so we can remember what to do, and we practiced it all on each other — (M for Massive Hemorrhaging and blood loss and how to stop it with a tourniquet, then A, clear airways, R, respiration – repair sucking chest wounds essentially, then C, circulation and dealing with shock, and lastly H – treating for hypothermia). Then we learned how to deal with severe burns and impalements. I have an individual handy dandy medical kit (you only use your own kit, or someone else would use your kit on you, they won’t use their kit on you), with a tourniquet, Israeli bandages, gauze, etc. plus the pieces for covering the chest wounds and I now know what to do with everything in it. So pretty cool, at least in theory; personally, I really hope I never have to use any of this knowledge.

We then spent an afternoon learning gun safety and how to handle, load, reload, empty, make safe, and shoot five different guns – Beretta, Glock and Sig (these are essentially all 9 mm hand guns) — an M4 carbine a(newer model of an M16) and AK47 – both automatic/semi-automatic rifles. If you haven’t already fallen over in your chair from shock, this will make you keel… I liked it! I plan to learn more!… yes, yes, this peace loving, anti-military, anti-NRA, believer in nonviolent change, granola, tree hugging, hippie girl really digs the ‘worst case scenario’ weapons training. Our practice site was shooting pretty close up – about 12 to 15 meters, but I did a good job, overall, for my first real try with live ammunition, in hitting almost all of my targets (about 75%). And I was at least able to handle the weight and posture and kick for shooting and loading all of them. I will try to get better with comfort and aim, once I’m there, just in case. The last thing I want to be is a burden or a liability for our team if things go badly. I’m already asking for a miracle in hoping that someone will pull me out of a flaming MRAP. Don’t want to push my luck. Not sure how this plays into useful new life skills, but I might as well do it well.

But the driving stuff was DEFINITELY a useful life skill, regardless of whether I use it in Afghanistan or not. I actually think they should teach this to teenagers in mandatory defensive driving courses so they can handle their vehicles better and don’t get in so many wrecks when they panic on skids and locking brakes. Just think – if you had asked me a year ago, “Anna, do you know how to conduct a high speed chase (with you being the chasee), take corners, handle curves and skidding and locking brakes, and swerve through obstacles at high speeds in both reverse and forward drive, do Y turns, spin on a dime, detect and get away from people trying to kill you, and ram blockades and other vehicles out of your way?”, I would have had to answer “umm…no”.. Not now! My, my how things change. I am now proficient in all of the above! They also taught us how to do most of the above in a Humvee and armored suburban…. my skills set just gets broader and more interesting by the day.

However, I found this funny and those of you who know me might too – my instructor did tell me that I was far too analytical (he was able to guess that I am a list maker, fancy that), and he told me that I needed to stop trying to think my way through things and just FEEL the right decision, (if I hadn’t been required to be attentive and follow instructions seriously I would have been laughing my head off at that one – imagine someone telling me to make more decisions based on how I feel and not use my rational brain thinking functions.. .if I did that any more I would be a danger to society). But he told me over and over that there are only two options up for decision, in a split second, upon assessing my context, and that is to either a) go forward, or b) go backwards. And his advice actually did help. It was a “feel the force, Luke” moment. If only life were that simple, I might be more proficient at that too. Haha. The less time for analysis the better, apparently, with my brain.

All in all, it was a mighty fine time at the race track, I have to say. Very empowering. I have always been a live on the edge, risk taking, high speed, ‘fine line to adrenaline junkie’ kinda person though, so probably no surprise there that I enjoyed racing and car tricks. (Don’t tell my instructor that I called them car tricks, he might yell at me more — because this course has a much fancier title that the government came up with called “Counter Terrorist Driving” — as opposed to what us Texans would just call plain ol’ race car and stunt driving). But these instructors, (as with our instructors from Indiana) are pretty hard core and experienced, and so we continued to build on our FOB/working with the military lessons from last week to “Move with a Purpose” — as in DRIVE Frickin’ FAST (but always under control) — and to follow his instructions without questions, without question, and on a dime — my instructor would urge me to go faster and faster, and then as it looked to me we were about to run something over, shout at me to Stop, as in “Make Car Not Move NOW” J — and brake fast and hard without losing steering control. Loved it (as soon as I had gotten over my parental instincts of breaking before he told me too in order to avoid hitting a cone, but I got scolded for not following instructions, was told the cone was NOT a child, so I did better the next times).

And of course, I volunteered to go first in our group for ramming a car out of the way, which was a blast. You drive at it, gas on full, and don’t stop until you are through. It’s a bit intimidating until you get the hang out it. The other fun part was when the driver (instructor) gets killed (yes, PRETEND killed), and I had to take control of the car from the passenger seat and continue to drive fast, on blind curves, blind hills, between cones, etc., keeping him and myself stable on the curves. I enjoyed that part too and did well at almost everything except driving in reverse at 40 miles an hour doing a serpentine through cones (representing cement and major obstacles that will render your car useless, so to be avoided), and whipping into small alleys backwards. I found that part really hard – we had to practice with our rear view mirror, looking backward, and using an object in front of us and looking forward while moving backwards. Also disconcerting. I was scared on the skid control part but with practice soon got much better at it and felt WAYYY better — we went in tight fast circles across wet tracks and sprinklers and the driver would make us lose traction on both front and back wheels at different times while he taught to come out of a skid, moving fast, control the car while doing so and keep going. That’s probably a skill I’ll use for a long time.

I never knew race car type driving required so much focus and concentration and uses a bunch of muscles in your body and is actually quite HARD! So cool. As with last week, so with this week… in exposing me to all of this, they may have just created a monster… The little bossy commander in me takes the wheel for the next year, oh, what will the world come to?

Tune in next time…

These are some of my favorites of MLK’s and today I share them with you:

“Hate cannot drive out hate”

‘Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars…. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.’ –Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community

“The ultimate measure of a man” (or woman )

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” –Strength to Love, collection published in 1963

“Unconditional love will have the final word”

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” –Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech, December 10, 1964, he said it was a “profound recognition that nonviolence is the answer.”

“Hatred paralyzes life”

“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.” –Strength to Love. King believed that fear was the first step towards hate. 

“Let no man [or woman] pull you low…”

“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.” –Paul’s Letter to American Christians, sermon on Nov. 4, 1956.

“Injustice anywhere…”

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” –"Letter from Birmingham Jail" on April 16, 1963

“Something he will die for…”

“I submit to you that if a man hasn’t discovered something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.” – Two months before King delivered the “I Have a Dream” speech, in Detroit, June 23, 1963.

by Mary Chapin Carpenter

If you ever need to hear a voice in the middle of the night
When it seems so black outside that you can’t remember
Light ever shone on you or the ones you love in this or another lifetime
And the voice you need to hear is the true and the trusted kind, with a soft
Familiar rhythm in these swirling, unsure times, when the waves are lapping in
And you’re not sure you can swim, well here’s the lifeline
If you ever need to feel a hand take up your own
When you least expect but want it more than you’ve ever known
Baby, here’s that hand, and baby’s here’s my voice that’s calling
This is love, all that ever was and will be
This is love

If you ever need some proof that time can heal your wounds, just step
Inside my heart and walk around these rooms; where the shadows used to be,
You can feel as well as see how peace can hover
Time’s been here to fix what’s broken with its power and the love that
Smashed us both to bits spent its last few hours calling out your name,
And I thought, this is the kind of pain from which we don’t recover
But I’m standing here now with my heart held out to you
You would have thought a miracle was all that got us through
Well baby, all I know, all I know is I’m still standing
And this is love, all that ever was and will be
This is love, standing up for you baby, standing up for me
And I see you still and there’s this catch in my throat;
And I just swallow hard till it leaves me
There’s nothing in this world that can change what we know
Still I know I am here if you ever need me
And this is love

If you ever think of me, let it be around twilight, when the world has
Settled down, and the last round of sunlight is waning in the sky as you
Sit and watch the night descending
A car will pass out front with lovers at the wheel, a dog will bark out
Back, and children’s voices peal over and under the air, you’ve been there,
Lost in the remembering
If you ever wish for things that are only in the past
Just remember that the wrong things aren’t supposed to last
Baby, it’s over and done, the rest is gonna come when you let it
And this is love, all that ever was and will be
This is love, when you let it baby, if you let it now
This is love, all that ever was and can be
This is love

It was great. I left feeling a great peace, a knowledge and solid practice of meditation (an antidote to my feeling that meditation was impossible for someone like me, whose mind and voices seem to intrude constantly – but I was ABLE to), and even more incredible, for the first time ever perhaps, I learned an element of detachment. Not in the “I think I will block this from my mind because it’s too painful” kind of detachment, but rather a sense of all is well in the world, a real connection to both my small self and my large self (i.e. the universe or ISness), and with greater acceptance of what is, less clinging, attachment, controlling, what Buddhist call an over attachment to outcomes (as in expectations). I was actually able to let go of many expectations. It was incredible. Sort of miraculous actually. I am sure they will return, but somehow meditating actually does allow me to “reboot” my system, sort of re-orient myself to what is and accept what isn’t, not worry overly much about it, and be happy with myself and others. So, for a five day retreat, I feel like I came out of with a new vision.

Plus I fell back in love with Buddhist philosophy. I remember studying it a bit back in college, and I had a friend who spent five years on an ashram in India (and was very peaced out), but I don’t think I connected with it personally, spiritually, or deeply, because my life at that point was so much damn fun! I think Buddhism comes in particularly handy when life ISN’T so much damn fun, and in fact you are convinced that Life Sort of Sucks. Suffering is Abundant. It is in moments like that – like much of this last year in fact, and great transitions, loss of jobs, friends, and loved ones, that the suffering takes front seat and doesn’t seem to leave room for much else. Buddhism considers suffering as the first Noble Truth. Suffering or “affliction” is real and happens to us in our lives and there really isn’t any way to avoid it. But it’s considered noble because only the very noble can face suffering and embrace it and acknowledge it, rather than flee, fight or put up barriers. And suffering brings grace and joy as well – both exist in the universe. In fact, all things exist. To fight against it is futile. So, ok, Buddhism noble truth number one – Shit Happens. I like that.

Buddhist Noble Truth Number 2 I also like. It’s very simple. We feel. And that, my friend, is noble too. It’s our feelings that make us what we are, that light the fire and passion in our bellies. No matter what the feelings are – anger, hatred, bitterness, joy, happiness, sadness, grief, all of it. No 1 is like the spark, No. 2 is like the dry wood kindling that starts the fire, and the fire is what gives us life. There is nothing wrong with our feelings. We often beat ourselves up – I know I do- about what I feel. If I am angry or thinking mean thoughts, I think  “oh, this is terrible, why I am being such a bad person?”. And this brings what the Buddhist call the “double arrow” of suffering, which is needless and we cause ourselves pain twice over. Pain or affliction or suffering is already real and there, but when we have feelings and then make ourselves feel worse, that is like a double arrow. So stop feeling bad for what you feel.  so Buddhism truth number two – Just Feel.

So, now we have the fire going of course. The tricky part is what to do with it. This is where we all tend to go very far astray. The “winds of our egos” whip our feelings into a fire that then burns out of control and instead of just sitting with what is, and our feelings, we REACT and do stuff. Frequently we do stuff that hurts ourselves and other people, in anger, or in grief or pain. The ego – what they call greed, hatred and delusion, are those voices in our heads (as I have mentioned before, I have a whole committee of them constantly arguing with me and each other – at one moment in the Zen retreat I decided they were my Wile E. Coyotes, sneaking in and wrecking havoc, eventually blowing up themselves along the way, with everyone else). So these voices they come in and screw things up and make us react on our feelings and thoughts. In Buddhism a person can be so angry, for example, if a family member were murdered, to think the thought, or feel the feeling of “i want to kill someone” and that this feeling is noble and keeps our fires lit – the bad, good, all of it. But it’s another thing entirely to act on every feeling or thought without contemplation. So I really like this third noble truth, I am set on learning it – it is what I call Hearth Building. Banking the fire. Keeping your feelings alive, but letting them be enough so that I don’t react as much, so I keep a control over what I do with them. I don’t remember exactly how it is said, but that’s how I think of it.

Out of doing this, the fourth noble truth naturally emerges. It is the 8 step path to enlightenment, the Buddha Way. But from what I have read, and even felt already, if you are able to recognize the first three, you are already enlightened and the natural path or outcome of that IS the eight steps. Because if you have a passion or fire, and you have it controlled and you can sit with yourself, and the world and your feelings long enough, you can come to see what is, and our part of being in the universe and then naturally the compassion and loving kindness emerges because you have to do SOMETHING with the fire – and doing something good just feels healthy and right, for yourself and for others. I will paste someone else’s description of that below, because I can’t do it justice. Besides, in the book I’m reading, I’ve really only gotten to Noble Truth 3. So I’ll blog about the 4th later.

Granted, even my description of the first 3 doesn’t do them justice after only one week of Buddhist learning, but I’ll put my first impressions down for posterity’s sake. Buddhism is also all about birth and death, beginnings and endings, and seeing oneself in constant beginner and learner state is part of a wise mind. So with that, I suppose I am in a “wise” moment.

In large part this is thanks to a rigorous and enlightening schedule that we participated in during the retreat. But first I must say that I arrived not fully prepared for what I was getting into. I had a picture in mind of the “Austin Zen Center” as a place similar to where one would go to do yoga, or pilates… in other words, a center. I thought, since they had the guest program, that they must put guest students like myself up in some place and we would spend much of the time doing extra amounts of meditation and things like that. I didn’t fully realize, until I got there, that in fact it was what I would call a home stay full immersion. A pleasant surprise to me. Myself and another student were the only two beginners and we were living in the house (the Center is actually a home, sort of a monastery except not cloistered away from the public), where the teacher, Kosho, lived, and where three other Buddhist priests lived and practiced, and four other residents lived and practiced (and had been for between 4 and 20 years). So, we ate communally, at breakfast and lunch (they fast after lunch), and we worked communally, and did a number of Buddhist rituals, chants, and services in the morning, when we were to begin eating, when we would begin and end working, and when we would begin and end studying, not to mention beginning and ending meditation. We bowed to each other to begin things and bowed to end them. It was very symbolic and helpful to focus on one thing at a time. It made me realize how much of our lives are spent trying to juggle multiple things, not concentrating or recognizing any one, and therefore not really appreciating the moment that we are in, be that work, eating, meditation, play, or study. This was a very interesting way of doing things that I really enjoyed and hope to bring aspects of it into my household. the schedule were were on was approximately like this:

Monday through Friday

Having been in the position of balancing, over the years, a strong commitment to an agency’s mission, loyal to furthering that mission, but equally frustrated and challenged by serious internal management, systematic and process flaws, attempting to remain loyal despite it’s broken system, I definitely know what it means to balance exit, loyalty and voice. 

Perhaps, using one’s voice, while exiting, is the last stand of loyalty to an organization that is so broken that it corrupts its mission. I hope so.

This is reposted from the blog of Rajiv Sethi with that in mind…

Rajiv Sethi

thoughts on economics, finance, crime and identity…

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Astonishing Voice of Albert Hirschman

Albert Hirschman is 95 years old today.

Four decades ago, he published Exit, Voice and Loyalty, a slim volume that contains more insights per page than just about anything else I have read. I consider it to be among the finest books ever written by an economist. For reasons discussed below, it also has enormous contemporary relevance.

The subtitle of the book is "Responses to Decline in Firms, Organizations and States." Hirschman’s concern is with "repairable lapses" in organizational performance: declines that could be corrected with the right balance of information, incentives and flexibility of response. This is not a subject to which economists had paid much attention, and he begins by asking why:

While moralists and political scientists have been much concerned with rescuing individuals from immoral behavior, societies from corruption, and governments from decay, economists have paid little attention to repairable lapses of economic actors. There are two reasons for this neglect. First, in economics one assumes either fully and undeviatingly rational behavior, or, at the very least, an unchanging level of rationality… In other words, economists have typically assumed that a firm that falls behind… does so "for a good reason"; the concept… of a… "repairable lapse" has been alien to their reasoning.
The second cause of the economist’s unconcern about lapses is related to the first. In the traditional model of the competitive economy, recovery from any lapse is not really essential. As one firm loses out in the struggle, its market share is taken up and its factors are hired by others… in the upshot, total resources may well be better allocated. With this picture in mind, the economist can afford to watch lapses of any one of his patients… with far greater equanimity than either the moralist who is convinced of the intrinsic worth of every one of his patients (individuals) or the political scientist whose patient (the state) is unique and irreplaceable.

But is the neglect justified? Hirschman argues that it is not, because the vision of a "relentlessly taut economy" operating at or close to its productive potential is inapplicable to technologically modern societies capable of producing a substantial surplus relative to the needs of subsistence. The very existence of the surplus implies that considerable slack in the level of efficiency can be tolerated without disastrous consequences. As a result, firms and other organizations are "permanently and randomly subject to decline and decay, that is, to a gradual loss of rationality, efficiency, and surplus-producing energy no matter how well the institutional framework within which they function is designed."

It is critically important, therefore to consider the "countervailing forces" that can arrest and reverse such decline. Hirschman identifies two such forces: desertion and articulation, or exit and voice. Exit refers to the fact that the customers of a firm (or members of an organization) can simply leave and attach themselves to a competing firm or organization.

Voice refers to the expression of discontent: the natural human tendency to complain, protest, and generally "kick up a fuss." Each of these mechanisms is interesting in its own right, but it is the interaction of the two (and their connection to loyalty) that gives rise to the most intriguing possibilities.

One of Hirschman’s key insights is that exit will not serve as a reliable recuperation mechanism if it occurs too rapidly in the face of organizational decline:

For competition (exit) to work as a mechanism of recuperation from performance lapses, it is generally best for a firm to have a mixture of alert and inert customers. The alert customers provide the firm with a feedback mechanism which starts the effort at recuperation while the inert customers provide it with the time and dollar cushion needed for this effort to come to fruition.

In addition, rapid rates of exit can deprive an organization of precisely those customers (or members) who, had they remained, would be most inclined to utilize voice:

[Those] customers who care most about the quality of the product and who, therefore, are those who would be the most active, reliable, and creative agents of voice are for that very reason also those who are apparently likely to exit first in case of deterioration.

As a result, the "rapid exit of the highly quality conscious customers… paralyzes voice by depriving it of its principal agents."

While it is commonly believed that most organizations would prefer that their customers or members had no exit option at all (as in the case of a monopoly) Hirschman argues, instead, that monopolists would welcome a modest degree of competition in order to shed their most vociferous customers:

[There] are many… cases where competition does not restrain monopoly as it is supposed to, but comforts and bolsters it by unburdening it of its more troublesome customers. As a result, one can define an important and too little noticed type of monopoly-tyranny: a limited type, an oppression of the weak by the incompetent and an exploitation of the poor by the lazy which is the more durable and stifling as it is both unambitious and escapable.

This is why those holding power in dysfunctional states "have long encouraged their political enemies and potential critics to remove themselves from the scene through voluntary exile."

More generally, the performance of near-monopolistic service providers may be worse than that which would prevail if monopoly power were absolute. This has enormous and wide-ranging implications. The poor performance of a national railway system might persist indefinitely if the most demanding customers also have recourse to road transportation. Public schools might deliver worse learning outcomes if private or parochial options are available to the most quality conscious parents. A small decline in neighborhood quality could turn into a precipitous collapse if those most affected by it simply move elsewhere. And the ease with which common stock can be sold implies that the most vigilant shareholders will liquidate their holdings rather than attempt to improve the performance of management.

While most environments are such that either exit or voice is the dominant response to decline, there is one arena, that of political competition, in which both mechanisms are critical. In this setting, taking account of voice leads to sharply different predictions than theories based only on exit. Hirschman’s critique of the Hotelling-Downs analysis of political competition (and the median voter theorem it implies) is devastating:

As soon as the Hotelling model had been thus refurbished by Downs, its power to explain reality was again cast into doubt by the undisciplined vagaries of history. The selection by the Republican party of Goldwater in 1964… testified to the extreme reluctance of at least one party to conform to the Hotelling-Downs scenario…

[It was not] Hotelling’s original assumption of inelastic demand… that was wrong or unrealistic, but the inference that the "captive" consumer (or voter) who has "nowhere else to go" is the epitome of powerlessness. True, he cannot exit… but just because of that he… will be maximally motivated to bring all sorts of potential influence into play so as to keep… the party from doing things that are highly obnoxious to him… in a two-party system a party will not necessarily behave as the Hotelling-Downs vote-maximizer because "those who have nowhere else to go" are not powerless but influential.

With modern communication technologies able to transmit, coordinate and amplify voice to an unprecedented degree, these insights have more relevance than ever.

As Hirschman’s title suggests, the interplay between exit and voice depends critically on the presence or absence of loyalty:

When loyalty is present exit abruptly changes character: the applauded rational behavior of the alert consumer shifting to a better buy becomes disgraceful defection, desertion, and treason. 

By making exit less appealing, loyalty to an organization can therefore be functional; it can "neutralize within certain limits the tendency of the most quality conscious customers or members to be the first to exit." But since "the effectiveness of the voice mechanism is strengthened by the possibility of exit," too much loyalty will stifle voice. In particular, the active promotion of loyalty by an organization can be detrimental to its own long run functioning:

[Loyalty] promoting institutions and devices are not only uninterested in stimulating voice at the expense of exit: indeed they are often meant to repress voice alongside exit. While feedback through exit or voice is in the long-run interest of organization managers, their short run interest is to entrench themselves and to enhance their freedom to act as they wish, unmolested as far as possible by either desertions or complaints of members.

From this perspective, a key determinant of organizational performance is the price of exit (which may or may not arise from loyalty):

Such a price can range from loss of life-long associations to loss of life, with such intermediate penalties as excommunication, defamation, and deprivation of livelihood. Organizations able to extract these high penalties for exit are the most traditional human groups, such as the family, the tribe, the religious community, and the nation, as well as such more modern inventions as the gang and the totalitarian party… Since the high price of exit does away… with the threat of exit as an effective instrument of voice, these organizations… will often be able to repress both voice and exit. In the process, they will largely deprive themselves of both recuperation mechanisms.

And the absence of recuperation mechanisms can have catastrophic consequences, as the current predicament of the Roman Catholic Church vividly illustrates.

I could go on, but the point has been made. This is a book with dozens of sparking insights tied together by a coherent vision. The vision allows for a broad range of human motivation, encompassing (but not limited to) standard hypotheses regarding rational behavior. Economic actors in Hirschman’s world shop for lower prices and higher quality, to be sure, but they also capable of making a nuisance of themselves, engaging in self-deception, and displaying fierce loyalty to organizations with which they are affiliated. This rich, complex conception of human behavior allows for a sweeping analysis that is as penetrating as it is ambitious.

My birthday wish for Albert Hirschman today is nothing less than that which he has long deserved: the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics.

La Diversion     The Fun

Los Amigos     The Friends

La Musica (pues karaoke mal cantado The Music (a.k.a. badly sung karaoke)

El Baile    The Dancing

El Genio de todo   

The Ingeniousness of it all

y no importa el dia, el cielo bonito y azul, siempre cambiando…

and the ever changing beautiful skies, no matter what day it is…

Gracias Amigos!!! Viva Mexico!!!

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.